My daily struggle with hatred...

-A post by a friend reminded me that I have been meaning to post about my daily struggle with hatred. I don't wish to post this to ruffle feathers...it just helps clear my mind if I write a little about it.-

Proverbs 10:18 He that hideth hatred with lying lips, and he that uttereth a slander, is a fool.

I have always known, as have many people, that there were some people who just didn't like my husband. One of them being his old youth pastor, who he had a previous history with, and has a current court battle with. Yes, I did say court battle.

The first instance that I saw between the youth pastor and my husband was when he put my husband down constantly in his youth class. It was not a case of me and my love bird eyes seeing things that were not there...there were kids in the youth that went to the pastor of the church on my husbands behalf because it was so bad! You would think after so many years of struggling with this one person we would get wise and give up. (Another Bible verse entirely...) But ever the ones who try to do the right thing, ever the ones who hate knowing that people don't like them, ever the ones who are very trusting of almost everyone around us, we kept trying. Then there came a point in the relationship where it seemed to be getting better. And once again we were duped into a false sense of security. Then it happened, DRAMA. And never one to stay out of drama our "hater" got in on it and made up some nasty stuff just to have their piece of the drama pie.

This brings me to the verse above...Proverbs 10:18 "He that hideth hatred with lying lips, and he that uttereth a slander, is a fool." I'm not gonna lie and say that I don't struggle with thoughts of hatred towards this person! I have to ask forgiveness for the thoughts that come into my head every time I think of the person. However I wanna talk about the person for a second. We've "caught" this person in lies before...we looked past them because this person sees in "black and white" and we thought that maybe they had a different view of things than we did. However, when it came to the court and the things said person said, after swearing to tell the truth, it is clear to us that the person is hiding his hatred with lies and intends on "ruining" Kevin's life once and for all.

No one can put their finger on where the hatred stems from. Some say that it is because said person stated once that they "do not like people that are taller than them". (No joke, heard from multiple sources at different times! RIDICULOUS!!) Kevin is almost 6' 5" so he is taller than most people. Some have said the hatred stems from Kevin, as a child of 12 or so, saying something to the effect of "I'm taller than you!" to said person. Like I said, no one really knows...but it is a long stemming hatred that seems like it will never end. My point with the verse...Proverbs 10:18 "He that hideth hatred with lying lips, and he that uttereth a slander, is a fool."...is this, it brings me great pleasure in knowing that God's word says that this lying person is a fool because this person thinks the world of them self. To know that God will bring this person down a peg or two some day makes me happy. As horrific as that sounds on my part it's the truth. But what about the plank in my eye? Believe me, I know I am a sinner, I know I am a fool, I know that there are people out there that will think less of me for telling how I feel...and while I hate, hate, hate that...I have to realize that this is my journey and if this post offends you I am sorry. I truly am. This is something I needed to get off my chest for a while and let someone else bear the burden for a bit. I am sick of yelling at my husband and my kids because my mind is so cluttered. I'm sick of not sleeping well because I worry too much. I am dead sick of all the lies and bull crap in my life.

Is this one person written about above the only one who brings conflict and strife into my life? Ell no!! My husband, my kids, my family, his family, MYSELF, there is conflict and strife all around...always will be because you cannot please everyone. At the moment though, hatred is my main struggle...and I pray daily for it to go away and leave me alone...

(I intended to get to more hatred verses and focus more on myself...but this verse was at the top of my list and the word vomit flowed freely! Sorry it was so long!!)